So, to be honest, 2011 was a very bipolar year. It was good because I have been blest with many things, which include being a Girl’s JV Volleyball Co-Captain and moving up to Girl’s Varsity volleyball. However, it was kind of bad because there were educational failures and for the first time, a romantic heartbreak. These memories will be forever branded into my head, but I will never give up to failure. For 2012, I will work harder…starting the first day of school. Actually, not only will I work harder, I will play harder. For the first time in a long time, I will try to commit more to both my journey to weight loss and my journey to being accepted to a prestigious college/university. 2012, get ready to be dominated.

OMG. I am going to hate tomorrow. I planned a Universal Studios outing with me, my friend Crystalline, and my mom. However, two things happened. The first: my dad invites himself to come. To me, that’s like Gru popping that kid’s balloon. The ultimate killjoy. I’d rather shoot myself than go to Universal Studios with my dad. I can’t even check out guys when he’s around. It pisses me off SO MUCHHHHH. Second: Crystalline can’t go anymore. I mean, it’s okay for her not go, but that was when my dad wasn’t going in the first place. It could have been just me and my mom. BUT NOOOO. My dad spontaneously invited himself to come, which makes my winter break just horrible. I thought it was going to turn around with tomorrow. BUT NOOOOOOO. I actually regret tomorrow. Can someone please not let me suffer and hit me up at Universal Studios? I WANT to ride The Mummy with a friend….not my dad. 

So, I figured that I seriously have no life. Should I be hanging out with friends having a perfectly good time? Yes I should. But where am I right now? I am dogsitting all alone in my house. Perfectly awesome but at the same time absolutely boring. I have no one to talk to because everyone else has a life whereas I am moping and chowing down on Cheese Puffs and Tortilla Chips. It’s absolutely official that I literally do not have a life. Even though I practically did finish my winter break homework, I want my life back and I want to hang out with friends and I don’t know, CHECK GUYS OUT?!?!?!?!?! Well, it’s not happening right now because I am typing out a sarcastically melancholic blog post. Well I hope tomorrow’s better because I am going to Universal Studios with my friend or friends.  Hopefully all of my friends show up because my dad invited himself so he’s going to hover me for the whole day. Pray for me please. Pray that my dad gets sick in the last minute or something that will allow me to check guys out. I absolutely need it. 

What is love? This is truly one of the things that are questioned everyday. If you really think about it, it’s just a feeling that makes you feel unstoppable and you could almost do anything if you have someone that will be by your side. You have someone that will support you 100% of the way and will listen to you, no matter how bad it may be. However, people may disagree. Is it really worth having a relationship when you know that, any second, any minute, it just fades away? Why would you want to risk losing someone? Without that person, who are you going to have to face the storm? Face it, things won’t make sense without him or her. Would there be a point of living if he/she just disappears into thin air? However, people do have flaws. We’re never perfect. If a guy or girl breaks your heart, that is just an experience and when you’re in another relationship, you can use it as an advantage. Plus, wouldn’t it bring you one step closer to “the one”? You may think finding love is a really long journey, but isn’t that the point of love? To experience things so you know what your next step to love is? You decide.

For the past few days, things have been nothing but depressing, especially today. I told this guy that I’ve liked for two years to meet me at our school library because I felt like I created an awkward distance because I gave him a note gutting out my feelings. I was scared to meet him but I needed to hear it from him. So, we talked and he basically said I appreciate your care for me but I’m sorry and I don’t feel the same way. He said sorry to me today at least five times during our conversation. After I left, I walked away and cried my heart out the rest of the day. I knew what he was going to say but it hurt so much hearing it from such a sweet and nice guy. And as of right now, I can’t stop rewinding those few moments. I keep replaying the pain and tears in my head. As a fictitious character said in a movie, it’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But in a couple of ways, I’m glad because I can still be friends with him. But it just won’t be the same. I’ll still have feelings for him and I just cannot and will not get over the first heartbreak I’ve ever had. Overall, I feel as if my heart has broken into millions of blood-colored pieces and it is only time that will heal it.

The past few days have been just an emotional roller coaster for me. It’s just been stressing because it’s junior year which is basically crunch time. But I’ve been doing bad in my AP Calculus class which irks me so much because I love math and math loves me but it’s hating on me right now. I got a 68% on our current midterm, which in our class is a B. On top of that, my grade went down 9% and now I have a low B in an AP class. How exasperating XD

And on top of THAT, I’m having a lot of boy problems right now. The guy that I have liked for three years (including this year) has been ignoring me. It makes me sad because we’re in the same circle of friends and we actually talk to each other and actually get along. Then I made the biggest move I’ve probably done for myself: I wrote a letter telling him about my feelings and that I wouldn’t expect him to reciprocate the feelings back to me. I wrote this letter because he skipped the 11th grade and technically now he’s a senior. And I just wondered what if he does have feelings for me and he just didn’t say anything? I would never know. So I made the move first, which is pretty valiant of me to actually do that. I feel like I like him so much to a degree in which it could be love. My mind is full of him 24/7 and I wish I could be with him and talk to him more often. Every time I see him, he makes my day brighter and better with him smiling and not to see that for the past few days makes my day sadder. I wish he could be there to hug me and comfort me and tell me it’s going to be okay even if it may not look like it. It saddens me because this past summer his mom past away and he experienced his first thanksgiving without his mom. I wish I could have been there with him and comforted him but I might’ve made things worse. I wish I could make his holiday season a lot brighter. I wish for many things, but I know the reality of wishes and they just don’t come true.

Man this week so far has been pretty good.

Monday I hanged out with my guy best friend Derek and watched Captain America. I swear I was hyperventilating when I saw Chris Evans with his shirt off. He gives me premature ventricular contractions. Medically speaking, he makes my heart skip a beat. LOL

Yesterday I played volleyball with my church friends and there was this one really good spike and everyone felt so impressed that I had a perfect spike. Even my sister Tess was like “Where the hell did that come from?” I felt awesome and I couldn’t stop giggling LOL. Then here’s the good part. Later that night when I was sleeping, I had a sexually amazing dream. Here’s how it started. I’m in an auditorium and apparently my sisters and I had an unresolved conflict of some sort. Then I see Ewan McGregor near the door of his office. Apparently he owned the auditorium, which was weird because he could just buy anything. Anyways I talk to him in his office and I’m sitting down and telling him that I have a huge problem with my sisters and it’s bothering me. He then hugs me and tells me it’s going to be okay. Then someone knocks on the door and he goes to the door. He tells he or she to come back later. Then he goes back to his chair and I walk towards him and I basically go on top of him and say that I really do have a problem. He then says I could tell. Next thing I know I’m kissing him on his neck and lips and holding his neck and he’s kissing my neck and lips and holding my legs. Next thing, he and I are moaning like crazy while kissing. However,I then say no sex tonight. Does that mean I had sex with him in another dream and I just couldn’t remember?? Jeez I swear I have the greatest dreams ever. Then he smiles at me and says yes that’s completely fine. Then we resume kissing each other’s neck and lips and moaning like there’s no tomorrow. At the end of the dream, he and I run away to a far away place. :) why is he so cute and handsome at the same time? I don’t care if he’s thirty or forty something. Hugh Jackman and Bradley are thirty something and forty something and he makes my mom swoon. It’s perfectly normal. ;)

Oh jeez. I’m so bored right now. I’m blogging right now at a possible random time because there’s family drama right now and I’m watching the Social Network while Facebooking at the same time. It’s crazy stuff. Yeah. Huh what else to talk about? Jeez. The epitome of boredom surely is greatly uneventful. Wish I was as smart as Zuckerberg and start a website right now. Huh maybe I should go on Google and see how I can start another social network. Oh the uneventfulness on a Saturday at 10:08 PM. 

Dang. It feels like forever since I’ve been on Tumblr. HAHA 

SO, SOPHMORE YEAR!

It’s merely the end of the first semester and I guess everything is going great. However, one thing that is ticking me off is that I’m one grade point away from getting a 4.0…for the first time in my frickin’ life!! What is keeping me away from my fantastical achievement? ENGLISH CLASS. I mean, really? I got the same English teacher last year and I would expect that she still favors me. BUT NO!!! DOES SHE FAVOR ME??? OH HELL NO. And what does she give me on the 5 through 15 week progress report cards? a B. GAH! So frustrating, I tell you!

Besides grades, I think sophmore year is going pretty well. I went to Disneyland during winter break. It was, as always, amazing! I rode Pirates of the Caribbean and Indiana Jones! FREAKING AWESOME. If only Johnny Depp popped out in one of those wine or rum barrels, it would have been a lot more fun. As for my New Year’s Eve, it was pretty good. Spent time with the family and my sister’s Christian Bale look alike boyfriend. So yeah. 2010 was awesome and 2011 will ultimately be awesomer.

So how’s life for you? New Year’s Eve, school life, social status, anything. REBLOG, I TELL YOU!